Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Randomness By Doc

Doc Farmer has some random thoughts. Just for the record, Doc, there is blue food. Well there are blue potatoes from Peru, which can be found around as blue potato chips. - Sailor

Random Ramblings
Written by Doc Farmer
Wednesday, September 15, 2004


  • When are we going to finally hook up presidential candidates with lie detectors during the debates?

  • Come to think of it, when are we going to finally hook up newscasters with lie detectors as well?

  • Can we feed trees in such a way as to end up with red, white, and blue leaves in the autumn? I'd love to see such a patriotic forest.

  • Why is there no blue food? I personally think it's a global conspiracy to keep the blue bandage business afloat. But that's just me.

  • I was out of the country when ''Seinfeld'' was a big hit here in the States. I've seen it a few times in syndication since I got back. What the <> were you people thinking? That show's about as funny as a root canal.

  • CBS was fined $550,000 in September for displaying Janet Jackson's boobie during the half-time show of the Super Bowl. In January. To the federal government, this is rapid response?

  • How come only Post Office employees are allowed to officially ''go postal''? Have you seen stamp prices lately? I'd think that we would have a better excuse.

  • Did the guy who came up with such menu names as ''Moon Over My Hammy" and the ''Super Bird'' and the ''Lumberjack's Slam'' actually get paid for that by Denny's?

  • Do you realize that Jonny Quest is in his late 40s by now? Last I heard, he's an accountant in Teaneck, New Jersey. And Haji? He owns a chain of silicon chip manufacturing plants back in India. Why they had Bandit stuffed and mounted in the Cartoon Hall of Fame, I'll never understand.

  • By the way, did you know that ''Race'' Bannon's real first name was Roger? You didn't? I did. Heaven knows why, but I remember goofy stuff like that.

  • Why do ugly rich men always end up with young, sexy, beautiful women? Oh, wait, I forgot. It's the money, isn't it?

  • Don't you wish that the talking heads on television, when interviewing somebody, would shut up long enough for the person to actually answer the question?

  • How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? After all these years, you'd think some scholar with a Ph.D. would have obtained a $50 million government grant to examine this issue.

  • I'm not sure about the rest of you, but I'm getting more than a little grossed out by all the feminine hygiene products being hawked on television. Spelling out S.O.S. with tampons? Can they possibly get more vulgar? No. wait, this is television we're talking about--of course they can.

  • Otis Spunkmeyer is the brand name of some rather large muffins. Don't you feel sorry for the guy who owns the company, though? I mean, it was bad enough that his parents were Mr. and Mrs. Spunkmeyer. So why did they feel it necessary to make things worse and name the poor schlub Otis?

  • Those big rotating space stations we were promised back in 1968 still aren't there, nor are the moon bases. To whom do I write in order to complain? I feel gypped.

  • While we're at it, can I call dibs on the monolith when they finally find it? I mean, what's Arthur C. Clarke going to do with it anyway?

  • If I create the first handheld collimated energy weapon, can I also start the National Raygun Association?

  • Can someone explain to me how anybody can find Oprah interesting? Maury's interesting, Jerry Springer's interesting, the cute chick who helped Anne Heche finally figure out that she's actually a heterosexual's interesting, but Oprah's just boring to me.

  • Why doesn't the Republican National Committee just buy airtime and show the ''Kerry on Iraq'' documentary instead of sending it out DVD by DVD? It's got to be a lot cheaper to buy 10 minutes of airtime than to pump out 10 million fee DVD's (with postage, no less)!

About the Writer: Doc Farmer is a writer and humorist who is also a moderator on ChronWatch's Forum. He formerly lived in Saudi Arabia and Qatar, but now resides in Indiana. Doc receives e-mail at

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